Eipuru Fuuru!
by Kuroi Hakuchou
Summary: Kagome secretly loves her captain, Kuchiki Byakuya. Byakuya secretly desires his Third Seat, Higurashi Kagome. Both conceal their feelings. But on April Fool's Day, the Shinigami Women's Association is going to take matters into their own hands...
1. Purely Platonic

Just a little something that I concocted out of the perverted regions of my mind. You'll see why it's perverted next chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or InuYasha. Sigh… I wish anime characters were real… Then I'd have Byakushi all to myself! :D

"talking"

'_thinking_'

**Chapter I: Purely Platonic**

LOLOLOLOL

_The first of April some do say  
__Is set apart for All Fool's Day;  
__But why the people call it so  
__Nor I, nor they themselves, do know,  
__But on this day are people sent  
__On purpose for pure merriment_

~ Anonymous

LOLOLOLOL

All of Soul Society was abuzz on the last day of March. Everyone that loved jokes was stocking up their armories of fake spiders and mice, the cans of Silly String, and air-horns. Gag gifts, left at the last minute, were being prepared hastily but efficiently. Several subordinates, serving under Captain Hitsugaya, were planning on 'toilet-papering' their young superior's office; Hitsugaya's lieutenant had given them the key to the office in advance.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, the people that often had jokes played on them were sighing with resignation or quaking with fear. One Yamada Hanatarou, whose birthday was on the first day of April, was one of those that patiently bore the constant tricks and pranks directed at him; his work day would be slightly more hectic than normal.

Then there were those that were neutral. They didn't prepare any tricks in advance, or expect a bucket-load of them in return. Perhaps on a whim they would play a trick when an opportune moment struck, or they would laugh it off when the joke was on them. Higurashi Kagome was one of these people.

Being the Third Seat of the Sixth Division, Kagome's occupation left little room for pastimes such as playing jokes on people. Because the Captain of the Sixth Division was Kuchiki Byakuya, the members of the squad kept their tricks to a minimum while within the region of their barracks and when they were on duty. Nobody wanted to anger or irritate their stoic, workaholic captain.

The same was true with Kagome. While she had no desire to play tricks, she loyally and dutifully saw through the tasks that her captain gave her to the end, as well as carrying out the duties that were expected of a Third Seat officer. Her paperwork was always handed in on time, she obeyed all of the orders given to her, and she was never late.

Kagome supposed that the only reason she was so loyal to Captain Kuchiki was because she, like many of the young women in the Gotei 13, had fallen in love with him. It was hard _not_ to fall in love with the exceedingly-handsome heir of the Kuchiki noble house. Unlike most the young women, however, Kagome channeled her love into her work, serving Kuchiki Byakuya as he expected of one of his officers. As long as he wasn't bothered by her performance, she was happy.

He would never know that she loved him, of course, since Kagome had planned it that way. But that didn't stop her from kicking out the love-struck girls that sometimes came knocking on the door of the perfectly-composed captain's office. Kagome's reasoning was that if she couldn't have him, then they obviously couldn't either, so why bother?

Kuchiki Byakuya was nobility; didn't those stupid girls understand that they, like Kagome herself, were too common for the likes of him? Besides, he was still in love with his late wife, Hisana, who had died around fifty years previously. Him falling in love again anytime soon was like a penguin suddenly learning the ability to fly: unlikely.

'_A flying penguin,_' thought Kagome wryly on that last day of March, placing her finished paperwork on her captain's desk. '_Now _that _I would like to see._'

As usual, Kuchiki Byakuya didn't acknowledge her presence. She was a subordinate, not an equal; it was _her_ job to announce herself, not his to give notice that she was there.

Standing erect, Kagome carefully schooled her face into a monotone expression as she faced Kuchiki Byakuya. Since her captain himself did not show emotions willy-nilly, she followed example. Kagome could not remember a time in the past few years that she had cracked a smile in Captain's Kuchiki's presence. He was serious and businesslike; so was she.

The handsome captain was sitting behind his desk, doing paperwork in his steady, efficient manner. Kagome had to resist watching the slow, mesmerizing way he brushed the ink strokes onto the paper; it was something that she found herself wanting to do every time she found him doing paperwork, which was often.

"I am finished with my duties, Kuchiki-sama," reported Kagome evenly. "May I be excused now?"

Slate-grey eyes lifted upwards and met her own – the dark, grey-blue color of a thunderstorm heavily laden with rain (1) – briefly before lowering back down towards the paperwork on the desk.

"You finished everything?" he confirmed, speaking to his report and not her. "Including the reports from the Hollow attacks from a week ago?"

"Hai, Kuchiki-sama," said Kagome, nodding curtly; she always addressed him as '-sama', since even a 'commoner' could become a captain.

"You may go," said her captain shortly, focused on his calligraphic writing once more.

Kagome bowed respecfully and turned on her heel, heading for the door. As she went, she admired the beautifully-made bookshelves lining the walls of his room, each shelf filled neatly with large, thick tomes. She wondered what the books were about, and once again resisted the urge to pull one out to satisfy her curiosity.

The wood, however, Kagome was sure about; it was probably the most expensive kind there was in the Soul Society.

Reaching the door, she slid it open quietly and stepped out into the hallway beyond. She turned and began to slide it closed once more, and saw that Captain Kuchiki was still going at his paperwork, taking no notice of her absence.

It almost stung, but Kagome knew that it was just her captain's absorption in his own duties that made him forget almost everything else. Not everyone else was as understanding and passed him off as cold-hearted.

'_One good thing about being Kuchiki-taichou is,_' thought Kagome with amusement, '_that no one would even _dare_ to play an April Fool's joke on _him.'

_**Owari**_

LOLOLOLOL

**Author's Notes**

(1) One of my favorite colors, probably because I love thunderstorms so much.

LOLOLOLOL

I hope you've liked it so far. Remember to read and review! ^.^

Until next time, ja ne! ^.^


	2. Diabolical Plan

Taa-daa! An evil plan is revealed! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Just my kind of humor! Pissing off someone for enjoyment!

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha or Bleach. I do, however, own this terrible-in-a-ha-ha-way trick that is about to be played out.

"talking"

'_thinking_'

**Chapter II: Diabolical Plan**

LOLOLOLOL

"_You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm."_

~ Colette (1873-1954), in New York World-Telegram and Sun, 1961

LOLOLOLOL

"So it is agreed," said Ise Nanao, looking around at the rest of the Shinigami Women's Association with her usual serious face. "Our April Fool's prank against Kuchiki Byakuya-sama is to commence after Higurashi Kagome-chan gets off duty tomorrow. Understood?"

The rest of the women gathered there murmured and nodded in assent, with Kusajishi Yachiru nodding seriously – an action that the other women found adorable.

"Ano…" said Kotetsu Isane, raising her hand.

"Yes, Isane-san?" asked Nanao, pushing her glasses further up the bridge of her nose.

"What…_exactly_…is the plan for pranking Kuchiki-sama…?" asked Isane, who hadn't heard about it until today.

"Ehhhh?" cried Nanao, her face contorted with disbelief.

Turning angrily towards Yachiru, she said, "President Kusajishi! I thought I told you to fill them in a week ago!"

Yachiru sweatdropped and laughed sheepishly, scratching her cheek.

"Eh-heh… Oopsie!" she said, resulting in a heavy sigh from Nanao.

Nanao turned to Matsumoto Rangiku and said, "I hope_ you_ didn't forget what I requested!"

"Of course not!" cried Rangiku happily, holding up a neatly-folded package of what appeared to be pink cloth wrapped hastily in plastic.

"Good," said Nanao, giving the busty woman a small smile.

She cleared her throat primly and faced the rest of the remaining women, who consisted of Kotetsu Kiyone, Kurotsuchi Nemu, and Hinamori Momo.

"Since our President had failed to fill you in," she began, sending Yachiru an angry look, "_I_ will."

Nanao smiled when she saw that she had an expectant audience.

"As all of you are aware, since it has been a topic of discussion," she continued, "a certain Kuchiki Byakuya has feelings for his Third Seat and has for quite some time. This has been confirmed by Yachiru, myself, and, to a lesser extent, Kuchiki-sama's fukutaichou, Abarai Renji-kun.

"Higurashi Kagome-chan, in turn, has feelings for him, but we believe that she suppresses these emotions because of Kuchiki-sama's cold demeanor. That is where we step in…"

Snapping her fingers and looking expectantly at Rangiku, Nanao was handed over the pink package.

"…using _this_," finished Nanao triumphantly, holding up the package for everyone to see.

Isane, recognizing the delicate rosette color, paled and said, "T-that's…"

"Un!" said Nanao. "A Fourth Division nurse's uniform."

"Just as you asked, I bought it and made the changes you specified!" said Rangiku, clapping her hands together with an almost evil glee.

"B-but…" said Isane uncomprehendingly, exchanging mystified looks with her younger sister.

"Tomorrow, when Higurashi-chan gets off duty, we plan to ambush her and dress her in _this_!" said Nanao, her glasses sparkling dangerously.

"I still don't understand where you're going with this," said Momo quietly.

"After dressing her, we will tie her up, blindfold, and gag her," said Nanao, resulting in a shocked gasp from Momo. "Then we simply place her in Kuchiki-sama's bedchambers, where he will discover her."

"Nanao-san!" cried Momo and Kiyone together with shock, their cheeks turning bright red.

"With the right initiative," said Nanao, shaking the package, "all should go as planned."

"What should go as planned, Nanao-san?" prompted Rangiku teasingly, a sly grin spreading across her face.

"Erm…" said Nanao, her cheeks turning red and her brow wrinkling. "That is… Yes…"

Yachiru, who was holding her cheeks in her hands and smiling off into the distance, sighed happily.

"They'll make such beautiful babies…" she said dreamily, resulting in shocked gasps and choked sounds from all around.

"Y-yachiru-chan!" cried Nanao. "You're a young girl! How could you possibly know of such things?"

Yachiru grunted in surprise and said, "I asked Ken-chan."

"And he told you, didn't he…?" asked Isane faintly.

Sweatdrops grew on everyone's foreheads, except Nemu, who was always calmly composed.

"Well…" said Yachiru, tapping her cheek. "Ken-chan made it sound kinda confusing."

"H-how…?" asked Isane, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Ken-chan said that every man is born with a sword…" said Yachiru, holding up her forefinger.

"…and that every woman is born with a sword sheath," she continued, making an 'O' with her other forefinger and thumb.

"When I asked him where babies came from, Ken-chan said that the man _puts_ his sword in the woman's sheath–" said Yachiru, sliding her lone forefinger into the 'O' made by her other hand.

This was too much for Nanao, who made a sound that was between a wheeze and a gasp. Rangiku guffawed at both Yachiru's demonstration and at Nanao's reaction.

"That's quite enough, Kusajishi-fukutaichou!" Nanao shrieked, and sighed in relief when Yachiru lowered her hands.

Momo was staring with disbelief at the vice-president of their club.

"You…" she said, covering her mouth momentarily with her hand. "You want Kuchiki-sama to have…s-_sex_ with Kagome-san…?"

"Erm… That is the plan, yes," said a flustered Nanao, fiddling with her glasses nervously.

"But they'll never do it! Kuchiki-sama is a noble and he can just walk away–"

"We'll seal the door," huffed Nanao.

"But…! But…! Kagome-chan _isn't_ nobility! You're just going to break her heart!" wailed Momo, truly worried for Kagome.

"Really, Hinamori-chan. Kuchiki-taichou hasn't had female company in over fifty years. A young, virile – not to mention _sex-starved_ – man like him would be a fool to not take advantage of the opportunity we're about to give him," said Nanao with irritation.

"What if you've made a mistake, Nanao-san?" asked Isane. "Are you positive that the two have feelings for each other?"

"I have researched extensively on this for several years!" cried Nanao with indignation. "I have Yachiru-chan to vouch for me!"

Everyone's eyes turned to the childlike lieutenant of the Eleventh Division.

Yachiru smiled secretively and said, revealing practically nothing, "Bya-kun likes Aoi-chan (1) a lot."

Then, as an afterthought, she said, "I want to be an auntie soon!"

Isane and her sister Kiyone seriously doubted that Yachiru would become an aunt anytime soon. Higurashi Kagome was probably one of the most reserved women they had ever met, one that turned down every offer for a date and seemed to become almost frightened at the prospect of being intimate with a male.

"Ano…" said Isane again, raising her hand hesitantly.

"Hai, Isane-san?" asked Nanao, her voice very close to the tone of a growl.

"Eh…" said Isane, smiling nervously. "I was just wondering what…changes has been done to the nurse's uniform…? You really didn't specify…"

Nanao opened her mouth to say something, but was abruptly stalled when Rangiku leaped in view, her eyes shining with delight.

"I'd be happy to explain the uniform to you!" cried the strawberry-blonde, snatching the pink package away from a momentarily-stunned Nanao.

The thin, crinkly plastic covering the nurse's outfit, which Rangiku had sloppily wrapped around the clothing after making her so-called 'changes', was off in a jiffy; it lay forgotten on the floor after Rangiku tore it off.

Unfolding the pink uniform and holding it out for everyone to see, Rangiku said, with self-pride, "Taa-daa!"

All of the color drained from Isane's face and a huge, strangled gasp made its way out of her throat. Kiyone sent her sister a worried look, since Isane didn't make a noise like that very often.

Rangiku, meanwhile, was busy showing off the changes in the uniform like an enthusiastic salesman.

"A low-cut top designed especially for showing off the goods!" said Rangiku matter-of-factly, holding up a finger. "Included is a low-cut bottom to show off Kagome-chan's undoubtedly-luscious legs! Any woman that likes to run as much as she does is bound to have attractive thighs! The size of the uniform has also been modified to cling to every skin surface, showing every off every curve that the male mind can dream of, including Kuchiki Byakuya!"

"_You can't dress Kagome-san in _that_!_" gasped Momo, her eyes bugging out so much that the other women were worried they might pop out of their sockets.

"I agree!" said Isane angrily, followed by a nod from her younger sister. "She's very modest in the way she dresses! Put her in that and she'll be humiliated!"

"Tch," said Rangiku, rolling her eyes. "You're just angry because I improved the nurse uniforms from your division!"

Isane's eyes widened and her face turned brilliant red with anger. For everyone there, seeing an angry Isane was like seeing an albino penguin. Luckily for Isane, who was about to go all out in defense for her Third Seat friend of the Sixth Division, Momo began to go into hysterics.

"No, no, no! What if Kuchiki-sama _rapes_ her?" she cried. "You said it yourself, Nanao-san; Kuchiki-sama is sex-starved! Put the woman of his desires in that costume and at his mercy is like…is like…!"

Momo began to hyperventilate, resulting in a desperate scramble to try and get her calmed down. Nanao, realizing that the panicking young woman had a point, cleared her throat and pushed her glasses further up her nose in a nervous fashion.

"Yes…" she said sheepishly. "Yes, I see your point. Very well. We will monitor Higurashi-chan's condition once the prank has commenced."

Surprisingly, Rangiku spluttered with protest.

"We can't watch them while they're having _sex_!" she said indignantly. "Especially when it's Kagome-chan's first time!"

"Fine!" snapped Nanao, tiring of all the bickering. "We will monitor them until the point we are sure that it is consensual and then leave them to it! There! Satisfied?"

It became very quiet in the meeting room, silent except for the sniffles coming from Momo. A minute went by before anyone said anything. The tension in the room relaxed when someone, Kiyone, finally spoke in a timid voice.

"You sure are angry today, Nanao-san…"

Nanao merely sniffed.

_**Owari**_

LOLOLOLOL

**Author's Notes**

(1) This is Yachiru's nickname for Kagome that I made up, referring to the color of Kagome's eyes.

LOLOLOLOL

Eh-hem… ***blushes*** This came from the perverted sector of my mind. I concocted it one day while I was on Bleach Wiki and found out that a group in the Seireitei actually _sells_ Fourth Division nurse uniforms, apparently for 'cosplaying'. Pfft! Yeah right! :D

Of course, the Shinigami Women's Association are the only ones nefarious enough to enact such a plan. Bwa-ha-ha-ha! REVIEW!

Until next time, ja ne! ^.^


	3. In the Dark

Blegh, got nothing to say. I'm just uploading this because I feel like it.

Disclaimer: I own InuYasha and Bleach. ***lawyers appear in poofs of smoke*** Um… Look over there! ***points behind lawyers*** ***lawyers turn around*** ***runs off into the distance*** A-ha-ha-ha! April Fool's, you suckers!

"talking"

'_thinking_'

**Chapter III: In the Dark**

LOLOLOLOL

"_Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed."_

~ Mark Twain

LOLOLOLOL

'_Hmm_…' thought Kagome suspiciously, poking her head around the corner of the Gotei 13 street.

When she saw that it was empty, she felt a surge of relief and pressed onward.

She was on her way back from the Fourth Division's relief station, where her friend Yamada Hanatarou worked as a medic. Having brought him his birthday present after getting off duty, it had taken Kagome the better part of ten minutes to convince the timid healer to open his present; Hanatarou had been afraid that his present had contained some kind of surprising trick, like the cans that launched snake-like things into their openers' faces.

It had been sadly amusing to see Hanatarou's look of relief when he saw that Kagome had baked him cookies.

A loud noise suddenly went off in Kagome's ear, making the young Third Seat jump a foot into the air with surprise. Whirling around with anger, she turned just in time to see an Eleventh Division member and his buddy turn the corner at a run, laughing like hyenas. The culprit of the loud noise, an air horn, was clenched tightly in the first man's hand.

"April Fool's!" they called teasingly back to her, making Kagome roll her eyes.

Kagome was pretty sure that she had been pranked by those same two, in the same exact way, twice already that day. She'd best keep a sharp eye out; with their current record, that probably wouldn't be the last she saw of them.

Along with the air horn pranks, Kagome had had a bucket of water nearly dumped on her head, a jack-in-the-box anonymously sent to her (which had nearly frightened her to death upon automatically springing open at her touch), and, disturbingly, stepped on some sort of trigger in the street that had sent dozens of kunai flying at her; one had had a tag on it, saying 'Have a Happy April Fool's!'. Kagome secretly wondered if Captain Soi Fon was an April Fool's enthusiast, since it was her division that utilized the throwing knives and the rest of the members seemed too stuck-up to do such a thing.

Kagome was, bit by bit, beginning to enter the world of the April Fool's paranoid.

She cautiously scanned the street, looking for any cobblestones that might be loose; the trigger that had released the kunai had been a cobblestone that had sunk into the ground once she had stepped on it, like a trap from an _Indiana Jones_ movie. Once she had determined that it was safe, she continued onward.

A door, most likely leading to a storage room, creaked open slowly and ominously a few yards ahead of her.

Kagome stopped dead, eyeing the door with a great amount of suspicion. Doors, after all, rarely opened by themselves; who had opened it?

Approaching the door cautiously, she listened for the sound of anyone moving about in the interior. It was dead silent.

She swallowed, wondering what she was walking into. Step by cautious step, she crept over to the door and hid behind it. There was still no sign that there was anyone inside the store room, and she wondered if maybe she _had_ stepped on some sort of trigger, which had opened the door and prepared to unleash whatever April Fool's horror it had in store for its victim.

Kagome took a deep breath and thought, '_Okay, on the count of three, I'm going to jump out in front of the door. If there's anyone in there at all, I'll take them by surprise._'

She readied herself, placing herself just beside the edge of the door.

'_One…_'

She got down into a sort of crouch, like a ninja preparing to jump on his unsuspecting victim.

'_Two…_'

She gritted her teeth; whatever was in that room, she hoped it wasn't another horde of kunai.

'_Three!_'

Jumping out in front of the door, she pointed into the interior, crowing, "Haha! I caught…you…?"

The store room was empty. There were no Soi Fon kunai flying out at her, no Eleventh Division members attacking her with air horns, no jack-in-the-boxes popping out at her. By the grace of the gods, there wasn't even a catapult preparing to launch a bucket of water at her. The room was blissfully and quietly empty.

"Huh," said Kagome, leaning her forearm against the edge of the open door. "Well, how do you like that?"

Maybe the door _had_ opened on its own.

"I'm going to be _so_ paranoid once the day is out," said Kagome ruefully, shaking her head.

She made to close the door, gripping it in her hand. Unfortunately, she never made it that far.

Out of the blue, a hand holding a handkerchief, doused in some strong-smelling chemical, clapped over her mouth.

In her surprise, Kagome gasped, which allowed the chemical, something known only in the Soul Society, to attack her nervous system once she inhaled it. The person holding her (or was there more than one?) kept their vice-like grip upon her forearms as she struggled valiantly to get free.

The last thing she saw before she plunged into darkness was the shadowy, distorted figures standing above her as she fell.

LOLOLOLOL

When Kagome finally came to, it was dark.

At first, she thought that it was because the lights were off in the room that she was in. Then she became aware of the feeling of cloth bound securely around her eyes. _She was blindfolded._

Why was she blindfolded?

Kagome made an attempt to say something, anything that might bring attention. But her tongue wouldn't move; instead, it scraped dryly against a cloth-like material inside her mouth. She tried to spit the material from her mouth, but once it hit the innermost edge of her lips, it simply stopped. Wiggling the skin around her lips, she discovered that something was taped over her mouth. Judging from the insistent hold it had on her, Kagome dared to guess that it was duct tape. _She was gagged._

She tried to reach around with a hand to pull the duct tape off, but she felt a surge of panic when she realized that her arms were behind her back and taped around the wrists with what appeared to be more duct tape. The ache in her shoulders told her that her arms had been in this unaccustomed position for some time.

Her legs were no better. They were bent uncomfortably at the knee, so when Kagome tried to straighten them out – which she succeeded in, albeit painfully – she found that her ankles were taped also. She was, to her puzzlement, barefoot.

And why did her body feel so _constricted_?

Kagome preferred wearing loose clothes; they were comfortable and easy to wear, though it did take some practice at first in order to avoid tripping. So _why_ in the name of the kami did she feel like she was inside a toothpaste tube that was being squeezed?

Where was she?

Rolling around somewhat, Kagome found that she was lying on what appeared to be a futon. She also found, to her anger, that her hair, which she usually kept in its tidy bun, was undone and spilled underneath her body like ebony silk. Her hair, which went down nearly to her knees, was successfully trapping her from raising her head too far.

Not only that, but was she _underdressed_? She would feel the semi-cool air in the room hitting the top of her breasts and everywhere below mid-thigh.

Growling with anger and frustration, Kagome rolled over somewhat, feeling like a beached whale.

What kind of April Fool's joke was this? Whoever had done this had certainly gone too far!

'_Well, I'm not just going to lie here and wait for whatever's coming for me_,' thought Kagome vehemently.

In her new position, she began rubbing her wrists back and forth, stretching them against the tape restraining them. Using her thumbs, she began trying to cut through the tape with her fingernails, straining her tendons beyond their limit. It was a painful process because she had little room to try and get to the tape, so she ended up cutting her own hands several times. The tape was also thick, and it wasn't long before her hands felt raw and slick with sweat and blood. Her fingernails wore down quickly, and Kagome was sure that she was bleeding from the quick of each of her thumbs. She didn't doubt that she'd have to use all of her fingernails before she was free.

Kagome was suddenly glad of the gag in her mouth; it allowed her to bite it in order to relieve her pain. Before long, her jaws ached along with her limbs, sore from clenching her gag between her teeth.

Every minute seemed like an hour. The next hour seemed like a lifetime. Still Kagome tried to dig her way through the tape around her wrists, despairing because she had only dug through a couple of layers. There was more than twice that amount to go, and already Kagome's fingers were swollen and red from exertion.

'_I can't give up. Just a little more,_' thought Kagome, panting.

Her whole body hurt, but since when had that stopped her?

'_Just a little more…_' she thought, furrowing her brow with concentration.

Then there was the sound of a door sliding open, along with the muted tap of footsteps on tatami mats. Kagome froze; had her kidnapper come back? Should she say something?

'_Screw being quiet!_' she thought with determination, rolling in the direction of the footsteps. '_If it's the person that captured me, it won't really matter if I say anything or not!_'

"Oi!" she said, her gag muffling and distorting every word. "Help me please! Somebody untie me!"

The footsteps stopped abruptly, and there seemed to be, judging by the feeling in the air, a shocked silence. Kagome waited a moment, hoping the footsteps would start again, but they didn't.

"Oi! Oi! Help me out here, dammit! Do you think I like being tied up? If you think I like bondage or something, you've got another thing coming!" she said loudly into her gag, growing angry in the silence and squirming around.

In a hesitant manner, the footsteps started again, approaching her position. There was the sound of rustling cloth and the sudden feeling of proximity; the air didn't feel as cool, anyway. Then someone's hands were on her scalp, reaching for the knot where her blindfold was tied. Kagome managed to raise her head a little to give them better access.

They were large hands; was the person a male? Kagome decided she didn't even care if the person rescuing her was a hermaphrodite. She'd be thankful just the same.

The blindfold slid off, leaving Kagome blinking blindly as her dilated pupils were bombarded by light. Squinting, she was surprised to find that the intense light was coming from softly-lit paper lanterns; with normally-adjusted eyes, she guessed that the light would seem muted.

Then she met the strangely-intense eyes of her rescuer, grey eyes that seemed darkened with some indeterminable, hidden emotion; a trick of the soft light, perhaps.

Kagome's own blue orbs widened to infinite proportions at the sight of her unexpected rescuer. She exclaimed with shock, and although her words were muffled, the rhythm of them could not be doubted.

"Kuchiki-sama!"

_**Owari**_

LOLOLOLOL

Bwa-ha-ha-ha! I am the master of all things evil! Not really. But I would enjoy your reviews.

Until next time, ja ne! ^.^


	4. Compromising Position

Hmm. It appears I've run out of witty things to say. That's what happens when you like to stay up at night playing _Kingdom Hearts_ and listening to Nightwish (or The Cranberries on occasion) to make the fighting seem more epic, I guess. And by _Kingdom Hearts_, I mean for NDS. _Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded_ rocks!

Disclaimer: I don't really feel like saying anything, so I don't own InuYasha or Bleach. Back off, lawyers. You know who you are.

"talking"

'_thinking_'

**Chapter IV: Compromising Position**

LOLOLOLOL

"_A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark."_

~ Henry Louis Mencken

LOLOLOLOL

It was late when Byakuya finally finished his paperwork, which was normal. As a captain, he received much more paperwork than his underlings and he vowed to never get behind. Ergo, staying at his office late into the night.

He was earlier than usual; normally, Byakuya finished writing reports at eleven or twelve at night, sometimes even later. Today, on All Fool's Day, he had finished at nine, which was an uncommon occurrence indeed.

After closing his office for the night, he used shunpo to get home to the Kuchiki Family Manor – what a misnomer; there were only two Kuchiki members that resided within the walls of the big, empty mansion. Normally, Byakuya enjoyed his evening walks, but not on All Fool's Day, when a misplaced step could trigger a less-than-nice trap. There was also the fact that those that enjoyed watching their victims walk into their crudely-devised traps scrambled desperately to disarm them before Byakuya stepped into one. What a nuisance.

The Kuchiki Manor was only lit in certain sections when he arrived. Once, a long time ago and almost out of everyone's memory, the whole manor was full of Kuchiki family members. Now it sat mostly empty.

Byakuya nearly winced at the thought as he entered his empty home, since it reminded him of a somewhat pressing issue. The Kuchiki Manor could not remain empty forever, not if he wanted his lineage to continue. And for it to continue, he would have to marry again, presumably a preadolescent daughter from one of the lower noble families. The thought made Byakuya want to cringe, since he had no desire to bed someone that was practically a child in his eyes.

And how could he even imagine marrying a nobleman's daughter, when he had his eyes on someone else?

'_Look, don't touch,_' he reminded himself adamantly for what seemed the hundredth time that day, as he sat down to eat at his vacant table; Rukia was on a long-term mission in the Real World.

Dinner was pitifully quiet. The servants, the ones that still had duties this late, kept to themselves mostly, as they had for the entirety of Byakuya's life. Byakuya had noticed offhandedly that some of them seemed edgy, and he had heard a couple of them murmur something about the 'Kuchiki ghost'. He didn't believe in such things, but he did wonder where his manor's prized koi – huge, golden things, they were - kept disappearing to.

After finishing his simple meal of rice and green tea, Byakuya decided to head for bed. He wasn't too tired yet, so he figured that maybe he would get some reading in while he had the time. Leaving the dishes behind for the servants to collect, he began the trek to his bedchambers.

He had changed the location of his bedchambers after Hisana's death, and had closed his old one for good. There were just too many painful memories in that old room, memories of his love for his late wife and of being intimate with her. As if he wanted to exile himself from the world, he chose his new bedchambers in one of the more remote corners of the Kuchiki Manor.

It was when Byakuya neared his bedchambers when he suddenly had the sensation of eyes being trained upon him. He tensed, scanning the hallway as he walked. There was no indication as to where the eyes were coming from; they seemed to come from all around. Clenching his jaw, Byakuya came up with three possible explanations.

One was that he was going paranoid; even he got tense on All Fool's Day and was not immune from tricks and pranks from his fellow captains. Kenpachi immediately sprang to mind; the huge man was not afraid in the least of the head of the Kuchiki family.

Another explanation was that the Kuchiki ghost actually existed and it was watching him. But how could the world of the afterlife have such a thing as ghosts?

The last explanation was that his room had finally been infiltrated by that damned Women's Association. It was not impossible, but it was certainly a daring move on their part. Just the thing for All Fool's Day: kick Kuchiki Byakuya out of his own room.

Byakuya reached for the hand slot in his shoji door, his body going tense with expectation. The lamps were already lit in his room, he could tell; what else would he find in the depths of his sanctum sanctorum?

He slid open the door and closed it behind him once he had stepped in. The room was quiet; no parrot-like chatter of a gaggle of young women could be heard. It was entirely possible that they were lying in wait for him at the end of the little hall that led from the door to his sleeping quarters.

Then the silence was broken by a soft sound as Byakuya made his way down the hall. He frowned; it sounded like someone talking with a pillow over their face. What in the name of the kami…?

He entered his room, where he got the shock of a lifetime. Oh kami, this was far worse than he had imagined…

Lying on his futon was none other than his Third Seat and object of his desires, Higurashi Kagome. The poor girl was gagged, bound, blindfolded, and dressed provokingly. Byakuya felt like a deer caught in the headlights of a car as his eyes landed on the luscious, creamy skin of Higurashi's perfect legs and on the enticing swell of her breasts bulging from the Fourth Division nurse's uniform that she wore.

'_So this is what you've been hiding under that modest, little uniform of yours,_' mused Byakuya admiringly, eagerly devouring the sight of his Third Seat in her underdressed situation.

The nurse's outfit hugged her form like a second skin, revealing every curve that her shinigami uniform didn't. And her hair! He hadn't realized how long it was, since she always kept it conservatively in a bun. It was longer than he had imagined, more akin to a black, silken sheet than anything else.

Byakuya's eyes were drawn once more to her breasts, suddenly desiring to manipulate them with his hands. They were practically begging to be touched…

The sound of Higurashi's muffled yells broke him out of his reverie, and Byakuya saw, to his horror, that he was aroused. Higurashi, meanwhile, continued to yell through her gag, sounding angry. It was quite amusing, actually.

Taking a deep breath to try and control his lust, Byakuya moved forward. He forced his eyes to remain focused on Higurashi's face, where nothing provoking stoked the fire in his loins. With a soft rustle of clothes, he knelt beside the bound woman's body. Thankfully, his captain's haori hid his tented erection from all eyes, especially in this position.

Byakuya reached for the blindfold obscuring Higurashi's view, his fingers reveling in the soft texture of her hair as he searched for the knot tying the cloth back. Higurashi tilted her head forward slightly, giving him more view of the back of her head and allowing him to untie the knot without too much trouble. The blindfold slid from the young woman's face, and Higurashi blinked rapidly when the light of the room reached her eyes.

Patiently, Byakuya waited for her to notice him. He didn't have to wait long, because Higurashi caught sight of him the moment her eyes adjusted to the light of the bedchambers. Her thunderstorm-blue eyes widened comically, and she exclaimed his name – at least, it _sounded_ like 'Kuchiki-sama' – loudly through her gag.

"I'm going to take the tape off your mouth now, Higurashi-san," said Byakuya curtly, still attempting to ignore the provocative female body in front of him.

A pale, slender finger hooked under the corner of the duct tape. Higurashi tensed, fully expecting what he did next. With a lightning-fast jerk, Byakuya tore off the entire strip of duct tape, resulting in a wince from the person it had been attached to. With a cough, Higurashi spit the wad of cloth onto her collar bone and swallowed dryly.

The cloth appeared to be a white handkerchief, but that was not what caught Byakuya's interest; it was the _writing_ that appeared to be etched on it that attracted his attention.

Delicately, Byakuya plucked up the handkerchief and straightened it out flat before his eyes.

The writing read, clear as day, 'Help me! I'm desperately in need of loving, Kuchiki-sama!'

Byakuya's eyes widened a fraction of an inch at the message before crumpling it in his fist.

"What is it, Kuchiki-sama?" croaked Higurashi, sounding like she really needed a drink of water.

"Nothing of any consequence," said Byakuya in his usual curt tone, throwing the handkerchief into the corner of the room, bewildering Higurashi in the process. "Now roll over."

"Eh?" said the young woman.

"Roll over," repeated Byakuya coldly as he stood and walked over to his personal desk in the corner, "so that I may cut you loose."

Higurashi immediately did as she was told, and Byakuya hardened even more at the sight of her ass, the material of her outfit perfectly outlining its roundness. He took another deep breath (it was disrespectful to think of his Third Seat in such a way) and turned to his desk, opening the top drawer and withdrawing a small knife. Then he returned to Higurashi's side and moved her hair out of the way, enjoying its softness against his skin as long as he could.

Grasping her by the forearm, Byakuya was disturbed to find Higurashi's hands bleeding and swollen, her fingernails worn down past the quick. Blood was smeared all over the duct tape restraining her wrists and the duct tape had been cut through somewhat. Byakuya had to admire Higurashi's determination to get herself free.

"Hold very still," he instructed his Third Seat, placing the tip of the knife in the tiny space between her wrists.

Slowly and carefully, he began to cut a slit down the side of the thick layer of duct tape.

"Do you know who did this to you?" Byakuya asked, his eyes firmly fixed on his work on Higurashi's wrists.

"No," rasped Higurashi. "They snuck up from behind while I was distracted and knocked me out."

"'They'?"

"There was more than one. Several of them, I believe."

There was no doubt in Byakuya's mind who had done this, and it angered him immensely. This All Fool's Day joke had gone too far, for what else could this be? What really bothered him was the fact that those wretched, home-burrowing females had known that he was attracted to his Third Seat and had used it against him, causing Higurashi to inflict harm upon herself in her attempt to escape.

Once he had cut Higurashi free and seen her out, he had some mice in his walls that he had to hunt. It had undoubtedly been their eyes that he had felt mere minutes ago.

"Don't move. I'm going to cut your legs loose as well," Byakuya ordered, scooting himself down to the lower portion of his Third Seat's body.

It took all of his self-control to make himself look at Higurashi's ankles and not at her thighs or even further up. Fifty-plus years was a long time to go without bedding a woman, and to have the one he liked sprawled out so enticingly in front of him was pure torture. Oh, those mice would pay. They would pay.

There. He was through. As carefully as he could, he peeled off the duct tape until all that was left was a red welt. Then he crumpled it up with the other strips and tossed it in the same corner he had tossed the handkerchief.

"You're free to get up now, Higurashi," said Byakuya, averting his eyes from his Third Seat's form.

She appeared to have not noticed her state of dress yet. When she _did_ notice, Byakuya did not want to be caught looking at her.

_**Owari**_

LOLOLOLOL

Dun-dun-DUUNN! Remember to reviewwww!

Until next time, ja ne! ^.^


	5. Fire and Ice

Chapter Five! Yay! I'm currently having a bit of trouble with SUTAADASUTOO, so this is helping relieve writer's block. And for your information, yes, I do like penguins, though not as much as my grandma! ^.^

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha or Bleach. I don't even own the quotes I've been placing before the start of each chapter. I don't have anything inspiring to say, unlike Plato here. XP

"talking"

'_thinking_'

**Chapter V: Fire and Ice**

LOLOLOLOL

"_Even the gods love jokes."_

~ Plato

LOLOLOLOL

Slowly and stiffly, Kagome forced herself to roll over and sit up. Every joint in her body seemed to hurt. Her shoulders hurt from behind pulled back, her legs hurt from their bent position from when she had been unconscious, and her jaw hurt from her clenching her teeth against the gag. But her hands seemed to hurt the most; with every heartbeat, a throb pulsated through her broken fingernails and her swollen phalanges.

However, all of that pain seemed to vanish when Kagome sat up all of the way and looked down at herself, seeing how she was dressed for the first time.

A horrified shriek, half-strangled on the way out because she remembered she was in the presence of her division captain, erupted from her throat.

"Wha– Wha– What am I wearing?" Kagome stammered with shock.

As quick as a flash, she was kneeling to hide her legs and her trembling arms were crossed protectively across her chest.

Oh kami, oh kami, oh kami! Surely he had seen her! Surely Kuchiki Byakuya had seen her in her half-naked state! Oh, this was humiliating, to be seen in such a position by the man she respected and loved! And her hair! Who had let down her hair?

It was only mildly comforting when she looked up at her captain and saw that he had his face and eyes averted from her form. Wanting some sort of assurance, she asked him what was bothering her anyway.

"Y-you didn't see me, did you?" Kagome squeaked, trembling with fright. "Oh, please tell me you didn't see me, Kuchiki-sama!"

"No, Higurashi-san," said Captain Kuchiki in a monotone voice, "I did not see you."

It was a lie, and she knew it, but it comforted Kagome to see that he didn't want to upset her.

"O-oh, what am I going to wear…?" Kagome despaired. "What did they do with my clothes…?"

"Here."

Kagome blinked in surprise when Captain Kuchiki turned fully away from her and shrugged off his white haori. She was even more surprised when he held it out to her.

"I couldn't, Kuchiki-sama, I'll get blood on it–!" Kagome began to protest.

"Take it," said Captain Kuchiki sternly.

Recognizing the tone, Kagome hurriedly took the coat from him and haphazardly began navigating her arms into the sleeves, trying not to get any blood on it. She ultimately failed, of course, because once she had it on, she had to hold it closed.

"A-arigatou gozaimasu, Kuchiki-sama," thanked Kagome quietly, humbled and honored to be wearing her captain's coat.

It also felt nice; it was still warm from having been worn and smelled subtly of sakura blossoms. Whether that was due to the influence of her captain's zanpakutou or the fact that the sakura trees at the Kuchiki Manor were always in bloom, Kagome had no idea.

Kuchiki Byakuya said nothing and stood, his back still facing her. Kagome attempted to get to her feet, though her legs were wobbly due to their cramped state.

"W-where are we, Kuchiki-sama?" asked Kagome, looking around the room she was in with curiosity.

She was pretty sure that she already knew the answer, especially when she caught sight of the bunch of bananas sitting on the desk in the corner; Kagome knew that her captain was fond of bananas.

"We are in my quarters in the Kuchiki Manor," answered her captain stiffly, making Kagome flinch.

So it was true. Who had had the gall to truss her up and stick her in the most stoic captain's bedroom? Kagome could not think of very many people that would dare angering Kuchiki Byakuya, and this simply did not smell of Shihouin Yoruichi; the dark-skinned woman was cleverer than this.

"Come," said Captain Kuchiki, startling Kagome out of her thoughts. "We need to bandage your hands."

'_How…thoughtful of him,_' thought Kagome, cocking her head with confusion.

Perhaps he was only doing this so that if her hands got infected, it wouldn't be on him. It wasn't like Captain Kuchiki to suddenly start caring about the well-being of others, except his adopted sister, that is, and perhaps his lieutenant.

Dumbly, Kagome followed her captain to a door to the side of the room, which revealed itself to be a bathroom. She was struck by how modern it was, what with the sink, bathtub, shower, and a toilet in a smaller adjoining room.

Without a word, Captain Kuchiki turned on the faucet of the sink and adjusted the handles. Kagome watched him with large eyes, thinking that he looked strange with only his shinigami shihakushou and his family heirloom, his scarf, on. He seemed less…intimidating.

"Put your hands under the faucet," instructed her captain, still not looking at her.

"Um…" said Kagome, looking down at her hands in an unsure manner.

Wouldn't the haori fall open once she let go?

Her captain followed her line of sight and quickly averted his eyes.

"Of course," he muttered, brushing past her to return to his chambers; since when did her captain _mutter_?

Kagome turned her head to see where he went and furrowed her brow in confusion, especially when she heard the scrape of wood – was he opening a drawer? She faced forward again, bowing her head slightly as she felt exhaustion sweep over her. The day had been hectic enough without the April Fool's pranks, but add being tied up to that and it was enough to wipe out even a sugar-hyper child.

She was shaken out of her tired stupor by the sound of her captain's sandals clacking up from behind her and then stopping.

"Lift your elbows," said Kuchiki Byakuya from directly behind her.

Eyes wide, Kagome dumbly did as she was told. Mere seconds later, she nearly jumped out of her skin when her captain's arms appeared on either side of her, each hand holding an end of what looked like a white obi. The hands crossed the two strips of cloth, brought them around again, and then swiftly and snugly tied a bow before disappearing quickly.

Kagome looked down at the obi wrapped securely around her waist and lowered her elbows. She let go of the captain's haori, noticing for the first time that she had been clutching it so tightly that her fingernails were bleeding freely once more. Her only relief was that the haori did not fall open, though the opening in the neck was a little too wide for her taste.

The lord of the Kuchiki manor brushed past her once more, this time heading for what looked like a medicine cabinet. He quickly opened the door of the cabinet and withdrew a roll of bandages, a roll that had seen some use if the torn ending was anything to go by. Perhaps her captain doctored his own wounds?

Why on earth was he going to such measures to ensure her comfort? All he had to do was show her out the door and she could just go to the relief station at the Fourth Division's barracks. Was this a matter of custom…or pride?

Not wanting to be babied any longer, Kagome decided to protest her situation.

"Kuchiki-sama, I really appreciate what you've done for me," she began, watching him remove what looked like ointment from the cupboard, "but I can just go to the relief station when I leave. You don't have to go out of your way to–"

"Absolutely not," Captain Kuchiki said curtly, cutting her off. "I will not have a young woman, one of my subordinates, wandering around the streets alone at night. Now put your hands under the faucet."

Kagome bristled and her face became stony.

Eyes aflame with anger, she said in an icy tone, "I can take care of myself, Kuchiki-sama."

"And if you happen to wander into some trap those fools have set up? You've already been tied up once; I won't be there to get you out of it a second time," said her captain, glancing sharply at her out of the corner of his eye with a cold-steel gaze.

'_Who says I want your help, you stubborn mule?_' Kagome thought, tempted to say it out loud.

But she _was_ grateful for her captain's help so far, and he did have a point when it came to the traps those 'fools' from every division had set up all over. However, because she was too strong-headed to admit this, she continued to glare at Kuchiki Byakuya.

Fire met ice in a titanic yet silent battle in the bathroom, static practically buzzing between the gaze of the Gotei 13 Captain and his Third Seat. Kuchiki Byakuya narrowed his gaze, which Kagome returned in kind. Each waited for the other to admit defeat. In a normal situation, Kagome wouldn't have even started such a thing, but this wasn't a normal situation; this was an attempt to retain whatever dignity and pride she still had left after being seen in such a shameful condition by her captain, a nobleman of the Seireitei, no less.

Kagome blinked with shock when, surprisingly, Kuchiki Byakuya was the one to yield. He looked away from her, his gaze returning to the roll of bandages on the counter. Then he steadily returned her gaze and said one sentence that proved that Kagome was _not_ the victor.

"I order you to put your hands under the faucet, Higurashi-san," Captain Kuchiki said icily, his eyes daring her to challenge him.

Kagome gaped at him like a grounded fish for a second, and then strode over to the faucet, exhaling sharply out of her nose like an irritated bull. In the manner of a spoiled child, she shoved her aching hands under the warm water flowing from the tap. She immediately regretted it when her wounds stung from the sudden warmth and water pressure, and jerked her hands back with a hiss of pain.

"There is soap. Wash your hands with it," instructed her captain.

Kagome resisted the urge to mimic him and spotted what looked like a half-used bar of white soap resting off to the side of the sink. Without hesitation, she grabbed the soap and immediately felt a stab of guilty pleasure as she attempted (painfully, of course) to work up some lather.

'_Ooh, I'm getting my blood on your soap, Kuchiki-sama,_' thought Kagome evilly. '_What're you going to do now?_'

She supposed he would throw it away now that she had her 'commoner's' blood on something he used to wash his hands with.

Kagome put down the now-pink-hued bar of soap and began working the pink-red lather into her stinging fingernails. She gave no outward indication that she was in pain, though it was a different matter when it came to inside her head.

'_Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow,_' thought Kagome over and over.

She stuck her hands under the faucet once more and bit her tongue to prevent herself from crying out. The soap, combined with the warm water, was agony to her fingertips. Nevertheless, she held her hands under the water until all of the soap lather was rinsed off and then gingerly turned the taps off, cautious of her hurting hands and the blood on them.

Turning to her captain, she saw that he had a washcloth in his hands, which he promptly offered to her. Kagome took it with a disgruntled nod.

"After you're done drying your hands, there is an ointment there for your fingers," said Captain Kuchiki, taking up the roll of bandages in his hand.

Glancing out of the corner of her eye, Kagome spotted the tube of ointment that her captain had taken out of the cupboard moments before. She was about to ask him how she was supposed to unscrew the cap of the ointment when she saw that he had already done it for her.

Kagome placed the red-stained washcloth on the counter after drying her hands and promptly took up the tube of ointment. She squeezed some of the clear, yellow-brown semi-solid onto her forefinger and began rubbing the ointment into her sore wounds. Relief immediately spread into her hurting fingernails, soothing away most of the pain with a feeling of coolness.

The strong smell of the ointment reached Kagome's nose, reminding her of Carmex. She felt distinctly uncomfortable under her captain's gaze as he continued to watch her with his dark eyes, saying nothing. But she continued to rub the ointment into her aching fingers, ignoring the eyes boring into her.

With a swift, elegant movement, her captain unraveled a long length of bandages and tore it from the rest of the roll. Seeing that Kagome was finished doctoring her hands, he held up the strip of bandages purposely in his hands.

"Hold up your hands," he instructed curtly.

Kagome did as he said, fully expecting to be returning to her quarters that night with a couple of white flippers for hands.

But she was pleasantly surprised when Captain Kuchiki narrowed his eyes at her and said, "Splay your fingers."

'_Maybe he _does_ know a thing or two about hand wounds,_' thought Kagome, cocking her head slightly with bemusement.

Wordlessly, Kuchiki Byakuya grasped her wrist with one hand, making Kagome jump at the sudden contact. He ignored her reaction to his touch, holding her firmly as he began wrapping her injured fingers separately. Every now and then, Kagome would shiver when their skin made contact, unable to control the instinctual response. Still, her captain seemed to not notice.

It was uncomfortably quiet, the only sound being their breathing and the clipped instructions of Kuchiki Byakuya when he required Kagome's assistance in wrapping up her own fingers.

"Put your hands down now," said Captain Kuchiki after a few minutes, turning from Kagome to put away what was left of the roll of bandages.

Kagome sent him a reproachful look, not wanting to be treated like a child or some idiot that lacked common sense. She looked down at her hands, flexing them and marveling at how well her captain had bandaged her fingers. Perhaps he had injured his hands a lot as a youth? Not that he'd ever tell _her_.

Her eyes drifted towards the sink and she winced. There was bloody water, water diluted with _her_ blood, all over the sink. Glancing at the soap bar, she winced again. How could she have enjoyed getting her blood all over everything? It was her captain, after all, who would have to dirty his hands cleaning it up.

Unconsciously, she reached toward the bar of soap, intent on getting it clean again. But then one of her captain's large, strong hands shot out of nowhere and grabbed her around the wrist, causing a startled squeak to erupt from her throat.

She looked up at him, only to flinch when she saw that he was practically glaring at her.

"I just finished bandaging your hands; I expect you to wait at least five minutes before destroying the work I've done," said Captain Kuchiki coldly.

'_What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?_' thought Kagome angrily, jerking her hand out of his grip as if she'd been burned.

"But…! The blood–!" she protested, her brow furrowed in her anger.

"_I_ will clean it up, _after_ I escort you to your guest quarters," said Kuchiki Byakuya curtly, sending her a warning glance out of the corner of her eye.

Kagome blinked and stared dumbly at him for a second, her mind having trouble processing what he just said.

'_My…guest quarters…? My…_guest quarters_…?_' she thought, cocking her head slightly with puzzlement.

Then it sunk in.

"What?" she roared, her face darkening with fury.

Her captain wasn't fazed at all. He merely turned from her and began putting away the medical supplies that he had removed from the medicine cabinet.

"It is late, and the streets are full of traps. You will be remaining here as my guest for the night," said the Kuchiki male.

Kagome's face darkened to a bright scarlet at his word choice, which he had appeared to have not noticed. It made it sound like he wanted…him and her to… Bah! Kuchiki Byakuya probably didn't even _think_ about stuff like that!

"B-but…! But…can't you just _walk_ me back to my quarters?" Kagome spluttered, her face still heated. "The traps aren't that bad! Besides, no one would _dare_ to prank you!"

She was bewildered when Kuchiki Byakuya sent her an odd look, one that he quickly tried to disguise with his usual mask of cold indifference.

"No," he answered, looking at Kagome with that stern coldness she was accustomed to. "The most logical course of action would be to set you up in one of the guest rooms, saving a trip back to the barracks."

"Has it occurred to you, Kuchiki-sama…" Kagome growled, glaring at her captain, "that this whole situation is inappropriate? A Third Seat does not spend the night at her captain's house!"

"Inappropriate as it may be, I will not have my Third Seat wandering around injured on the night of All Fool's Day," said Captain Kuchiki, an edge of finality in his voice.

Kagome and her captain glared at each other for a moment, another clash of raging inferno and ancient glacier.

"I'm leaving, Kuchiki-sama," said Kagome slowly and evenly, "and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

Kuchiki Byakuya narrowed his eyes at her, and he appeared to tense in expectation.

Without warning, Kagome turned and fled the bathroom, her bare feet pattering on the tatami mats as she entered the bedchambers. She glanced briefly at the futon lying innocently on the floor and turned red.

'_Gah! I gotta get out of here!_' she thought desperately, forcing her stiff body to move faster.

She entered the little hallway that led to the entrance of Captain Kuchiki's quarters, nearly slamming into the wall in her haste. Her bare feet slipped a couple of times on the mats beneath her, but that hardly hindered her in her determination to get out of her captain's private chambers.

Hand outstretched, she reached for the hand slot in the door, preparing to fling it open and make her way to freedom. However, that was not what happened.

As soon as her hand was within a centimeter of the door, Kagome's hand encountered resistance, followed by a sharp shock of intense pain and a small flash of light. Crying out, Kagome jerked her hand back from the door and stared at it with bewilderment as steam rose both from her bandaged hand and the spot above the door's hand slot.

"What…?" she began, blinking with confusion.

Protecting her arm with the sleeve of the captain's haori, she attempted to touch another part of the door. She was met with same result, albeit with slightly less pain because of the haori.

This time, just after the flash, Kagome caught ripples of light emanating from where she had tried to touch the shoji door. The ripples faded as they approached the doorframe, confirming Kagome's suspicions.

Her eyes narrowed calculatingly. There was no doubt about it; the question was '_Why?_'

Hearing the approaching sound of her captain's sandals against the tatami mats, she turned.

Captain Kuchiki's figure stood at the other end of the hallway, his tall, broad-shouldered build blocking out the light. But even with the darkness of the hall, Kagome could see the slight questioning look in his eyes. She took a deep breath, wondering how he'd react.

"Kuchiki-sama," she said, "there's a seal on your door."

_**Owari**_

LOLOLOLOL

The plot thickens! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! I'm so diabolically evil! :D As always, reviews are looked forward to! Thanx!

Until next time, ja ne! ^.^


	6. No Way Out

Here's the next chapter! Enjoy, my pretties! ^.^

Disclaimer: Nope! Don't own Bleach or InuYasha! So there!

"talking"

'_thinking_'

**Chapter VI: No Way Out**

LOLOLOLOL

"_I have great faith in fools – self-confidence, my friends call it._"

~ Edgar Allan Poe

LOLOLOLOL

"Kuchiki-sama, there's a seal on your door."

Byakuya stared at Higurashi uncomprehendingly for a second, wondering what in the Soul Society she was talking about. Then again, why hadn't she fled…?

Perplexed, he made his way forward down the hall, wanting to see what was the matter with the door. Surely she was mistaken; the door had to be stuck or something. It made no sense that the door could actually be _sealed_ shut.

Nonetheless, a cold chill went down Byakuya's spine. They wouldn't dare…would they…?

He hardly noticed as Higurashi scampered out of the way as he neared the door. He stopped, inspecting the door for a moment. There was no outward sign that there was a seal of any kind on the innocent-looking shoji door; everything appeared normal. Using his senses, he probed the door. Still nothing.

Wanting his suspicions to be nothing more than paranoia, Byakuya hesitantly reached out to touch the door slot.

"Careful–!" began Higurashi, but it was too late.

He flinched and jerked his hand back as the barrier around the door sparked and rippled at the interference. Incredulous, he stared down at his steaming hand and wondered how far the mice in his walls would go in their All Fool's prank.

No, they had gone too far already. Byakuya clenched his fist and raised his eyes, staring mercilessly at the rice-paper.

Speaking slowly and commandingly, he addressed the women that were undoubtedly watching everything that was happening.

"Show yourselves," he said sternly. "I know that you are out there."

"Who are you talking to, Kuchiki-sama?" asked Higurashi quietly.

Byakuya almost shook his head with exasperation. His Third Seat could really be naïve sometimes; he supposed he was grateful for it, since she had failed to notice his weakening erection as he had bandaged her hands. Him showing his back to her instead of his front the majority of the time had helped too.

Met with silence outside of his chambers, Byakuya decided to try again.

"Do not pretend that you are not there. Why have you placed this seal on my door?" he demanded coldly.

All was silent for a moment more, and then, as if appearing out of the blue, a voice sounded from beyond the rice-paper and framework.

"Good evening, Byakushi!" chirped a young girl's voice behind the door.

Byakuya felt like knocking his head against the wall; they were clever, those mice. They had sent the one person out of all of them that he wouldn't harm: Yachiru. She was a child, and would therefore be exempt from the pain he planned on giving the others in her group.

"Yachiru," said Byakuya, his voice softening imperceptibly, "remove the seal from this door."

"Sorry, Bya-kun!" said Yachiru cheerfully. "I'm not allowed to."

"And why is that?" asked Byakuya.

"Ano… Nanao-san said not to," said Yachiru thoughtfully.

It was then that Higurashi, who had been silent up until now, decided to join in the conversation.

"Kusajishi Yachiru!" said his Third Seat in a reprimanding voice. "If you do not remove the seal from this door, I won't give you sweets ever again!"

Byakuya turned with concealed surprise to his subordinate, amazed that she was trying to blackmail the child. Higurashi didn't notice him looking; she was too busy glaring irately at the sliding door. She really was quite beautiful when she was angry…

He immediately cut off that thought when he felt another stirring in his loins.

From beyond the door, a whimper was heard, alarming both adults trapped in the room. Higurashi was immediately down on her knees in front of the door, making Byakuya step back quickly. He didn't want any woman, especially _her_, to get down on her knees in front him; it might make him lose control.

Higurashi was now pleading with the pink-haired lieutenant of the Eleventh Division.

"I'm sorry, Yachiru-chan, I didn't mean it!" she said in a soothing tone. "Hey, if you get us out of here, I'll bake you so many cookies that you'll burst! How does that sound?"

Blackmail and now bribery. Higurashi must have been really desperate to get out. Then again, Byakuya was as desperate to have her gone, lest he do something that he'd regret.

"That will be quite enough, President Kusajishi," said a new voice from beyond the door. "I'll take things from here."

"Nanao-san!" cried Higurashi pleadingly. "Please remove the seal on the door!"

Ise Nanao… Byakuya made sure to put her on the top of his 'mice-throttling' list; she was undoubtedly the concoctor of this plot to undermine him.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Higurashi-chan," said Nanao mysteriously. "Even if I could, I wouldn't."

"Why not?" demanded Byakuya's Third Seat angrily.

"This is an opportunity for both you and Kuchiki-taichou. I suggest you take it," answered Nanao.

Her words hit Byakuya like a rampaging Hollow, who immediately understood the hidden message in her mysterious answer.

He stood like a statue in the darkness of the hall, struck dumb. So _that_ was their plan. With a surge of determination and anger, Byakuya made up his mind. He would not cooperate with them, and he guessed that Higurashi, oblivious as ever, would innocently go along with his decision.

"I'm afraid you're mistaken, for there is no opportunity of any kind here," said Byakuya icily. "I order you to open the door, Ise Nanao-fukutaichou."

"That is not possible, Kuchiki-taichou," said Nanao authoritatively. "The seal we have placed around your quarters cannot be removed and will expire in exactly twenty-four hours. You have until then to take advantage of the situation."

"What are you talking about, Nanao-san?" demanded Kagome, getting to her feet and glaring at the door.

Byakuya, however, was more concerned on what the lieutenant on the other side of the door had said. She had not said that there was seal just on the door, but rather that there was a seal around his quarters instead. Disturbed at this information, he left the main entrance of his bedchambers and went to check the double-shoji doors that led out to the gardens of the Kuchiki estate.

He rarely opened these, since he had little time to sit in his room and enjoy the view of sakura trees and various flowers blooming in the gardens. No, he did that in one of public rooms, where he often took tea with Rukia. But in this situation, he suddenly felt stifled by the prospect of having the doors closed.

Byakuya was infuriated when he reached for the one of the doors and was met with the same result as the entrance he had left behind. He tried to touch the wall beside the doors. Same thing: a zap, followed by stinging pain.

He was so angered by this that he barely noticed that yell of outrage from his Third Seat.

"–you wait until I get my hands on you! How dare you kidnap me and tie me up in Kuchiki-sama's room!" ranted Higurashi, who was probably as angry as Byakuya was. "Do you realize what I've done to my hands?"

Turning, Byakuya looked back down the hallway leading to the main exit and managed to find amusement when he saw that Higurashi was practically steaming with fury. Apparently, she had discovered who was responsible for her current predicament. Even from here, Byakuya could tell that she wanted to claw through the barrier over the door and then the door itself in order to get to her prey.

"I'm going to rip you apart limb from limb!" Higurashi was saying. "No, that's too good for you! I'm going to cook you slowly, in a vat full of–!"

"I'm afraid that duty does not fall to you, Higurashi-san," said Byakuya with cold anger, approaching the door she was yelling at. "Seeing as how they have not only kidnapped one of my subordinates, but have also trespassed onto my property, I will have to deal with them once we have been released from their prison."

"But I want to–!" protested Higurashi, her thunderstorm eyes aflame.

For a moment, Byakuya was drawn into them, sucked down into their depths. Higurashi rarely showed her angry side in front of him, and it was often when she was unaware of his presence. He found that she was more vibrant, more _alive_ when she wasn't in his company. A sudden thought struck him; what would her eyes look like, if they were glazed over with lust instead of…

Realizing that he was staring at his Third Seat, Byakuya quickly broke eye contact and answered her.

"You are not a captain, Higurashi-san, and do not have the ability to punish others as you see fit. I will see to it that they receive the consequences of their actions," he said sternly.

He was surprised to see fear enter the eyes of his subordinate.

"What about…Yachiru…?" she whispered, and Byakuya understood; she didn't want Yachiru to be harmed.

"Her punishment is inevitable," he said, "but it will be less severe due to her young age."

Hesitantly, Higurashi nodded and lowered her head, her face still somewhat troubled. That was like his subordinate; worrying after the welfare of others. If it weren't for her ability to handle a zanpakutou proficiently and her fiery spirit, Byakuya suspected that she would have become a high-ranking Fourth Division member in no time.

"Now that you're done talking," huffed Nanao from beyond the door, much to Byakuya's chagrin, "I will explain the barrier. As I said before, it lasts for approximately twenty-four hours. Do not try to penetrate it with Kidou-based attacks; they will be repelled and you'll only end up harming yourself. If the twenty-four hours given to you are not taken advantage of, the seal will be re-established for another day."

"You can't keep us in here indefinitely!" cried Higurashi angrily. "And what is this nonsense about 'opportunities' and 'taking advantages'? There's no point in what you're doing!"

Nanao seemed to realize that the only one that understood the situation was Byakuya, for she addressed him directly.

"Kuchiki-taichou, we're doing this for your own good, for both of you. We have been concerned for some time now, and April Fool's Day gave us the opportunity we needed to allow both of you to confront your 'troubles', as it were," said Nanao, sounding smug towards the end.

Byakuya was silent for a moment, contemplating what to say in return.

Then, enunciating each word with precision, he said, "When we get out of here, Ise-fukutaichou, you most of all will be very sorry indeed."

"I look forward to it, Kuchiki-taichou," said Nanao with a smirk in her voice. "Besides, you'll probably thank me."

"If by 'thank', do you mean 'break every bone in your body'?" asked Higurashi sardonically.

A corner of Byakuya's mouth twitched somewhat; he had nearly smiled at his subordinate's retaliation against the woman responsible for her kidnapping.

"It grows late, I'm afraid. We all hope you…_enjoy_ the time that you've been given," said Nanao, followed by the sound of her retreating footsteps; Byakuya clenched his jaw tightly at the innuendo in her voice.

Both he and Higurashi stood at the door for a moment, waiting to see if anyone else from that dreaded Shinigami Witch's Coven would appear. When it became apparent that they were on their own, Byakuya turned without a word and headed for the depths of his chambers.

So much for getting any reading done; he wouldn't be able to concentrate with the woman he desired in the same room with him. In _his_ room with him. In _his_ room with him, with _his_ futon…

Those damn mice. They had taken his greatest weakness and had turned it against him. Even by thinking such things, he was giving in to their wishes.

But something Ise Nanao had said was bothering him. Why had she said that this was for _both_ of them?

Glancing over his shoulder, he saw that Higurashi was still staring at the door, her bandaged hands clenched tightly into fists. Was it possible that _she_ harbored feelings for him…?

If it was so, it really wasn't surprising. Half of the women in the Gotei 13 claimed to love him. But if Higurashi was the same, why hadn't she shown it? Those other women ogled him, drooling over him like lovesick puppies; Higurashi treated him with indifference. She simply didn't seem interested, which had attracted him to her in the first place.

'_They must have made a mistake,_' mused Byakuya with satisfaction; any thought of those horrendous mice tripping up sent deliciously warm tingles up and down his spine.

He knelt down in front of his desk, his legs cushioned by the tatami mats beneath. At once he was faced by a daunting prospect; what in Soul Society was he going to do in order to distract him from the female temporarily sharing his quarters? Nothing seemed distracting enough and all he wanted to do was to watch Higurashi. That was what he liked to do; he watched her whenever he had a safe opportunity, taking the time to study her and admire her attributes – these were more often physical than not, but he did find her personality irresistibly attractive. He, unlike many men, knew that a woman's mind and temperament was as equally important as her physical being.

Byakuya looked up with surprise when Higurashi reentered the room and got down on her knees in the middle of the room. He was bewildered when she began systematically pounding section after section of the floor.

"What are you doing?" he asked curtly.

"Yachiru-chan has built tunnels into the manor, right? Since we can't touch the walls, the only option left is to find one of them in the floor, which is exactly what I intend to do," she said matter-of-factly, listening carefully as she thumped the tatami mats.

"Yachiru may be a child, but she's certainly not stupid," said Byakuya, wondering why Higurashi was even bothering; she was close friends with the young girl and knew how she ticked. "I doubt that she's left any exits open for us."

"Whoever says kids are dumb is a moron," muttered Higurashi darkly, continuing in her efforts to locate a secret tunnel despite admitting that Yachiru wasn't an idiot.

Byakuya felt a glimmer of amusement when she turned his way and revealed that one of her hands was tightly clutching the opening in _his_ haori, so to prevent her chest from being revealed. It really was endearing how modest she was.

"Are you just going to give up?" demanded Higurashi angrily after a moment of silence between them. "They've _imprisoned_ us inside this room!"

Surprised at her tone, Byakuya stared at her for a second. She had never raised her voice at him until tonight; a proper subordinate, which Higurashi was, never questioned or yelled at their superior. It was an alien experience to hear her yell at him, but he would ignore it for now, considering that she was upset with the current situation.

"They cannot keep us in here for more than a few hours, Higurashi-san," Byakuya explained. "Someone will undoubtedly notice our absence and come looking. When they do, they will have no choice but to release us."

"But Nanao-san said that the seal lasts for twenty-four hours and that they can't remove it!" protested his new, _temporary_ roommate.

"I highly doubt that the seal cannot be removed," he retorted tightly, his hands finding the handle of the drawer of his desk. "She informed us that to dissuade us from attempting to break it."

Higurashi sent Byakuya a doubtful look but said nothing. She merely continued thumping the mats, listening intently as she pounded each section of the floor with her tiny fist. Byakuya, meanwhile, tried to ignore her, but it was hard to do. He suspected that even if she hadn't been pounding on his floor like there was no tomorrow that he would still have a hard time diverting his attention away from her.

He pulled the drawer of his desk out and peered inside, looking for something to distract him. There was his calligraphy set, his knife (which he had used to cut Higurashi's bonds), a couple of little books on Soul Society law. None would help him out.

Byakuya noticed offhandedly that Higurashi was giving him a wide berth in her search for a secret tunnel. She had stopped moving forward several feet from him, her knees scooting her sideways so that she could continue to soundly thump the floor. Why was it that nearly everything she did was, dare he say it, cute?

Higurashi began heading for the bathroom, and Byakuya doubted she would find anything under the floor except the plumbing. Yet he said nothing, hoping that he would get at least a couple minutes of reprieve from her enticing presence.

A sense of relief swept over him when Higurashi finally crawled into the bathroom. Byakuya was tempted to lock her in there for the twenty-four hour period, both for her sake and his.

But what would his explanation be? Somehow '_I'm doing this so that I won't ravish you to death'_ didn't seem right.

No, it wouldn't work. She'd undoubtedly break down the door in her anger, and he didn't want to have to go through the trouble of replacing it.

A sheen from the corner of the room caught Byakuya's keen eye and he turned his head to get a better look. Ah, the duct tape and the handkerchief… The handkerchief! If Higurashi found that…! The last thing that he needed was for her to ask about it.

Quick as a flash and silent as the grave, Byakuya had used shunpo to snatch up the used duct tape and the offending piece of white cloth with its tantalizing writing inscribed upon it. He had the duct tape and the handkerchief both in the waste bin beside his writing desk and himself perfectly composed when Higurashi reentered the room; apparently, there hadn't been a mythical tunnel to escape from in there, either.

Byakuya immediately noticed (out of the corner of his eye, of course) that she had put her shining, black hair back up into a somewhat messy bun and felt a strange sense of disappointment. He liked it better down. But she still looked beautiful, so innocently beautiful, especially in her makeshift 'dress'.

For some reason, the sight of her in his haori turned him on even more than her being in that clinging nurse outfit. Byakuya stiffened when he felt himself go rock-hard again and clenched his fists tightly on the desk in front of him.

Dammit! This was going to be a long night.

LOLOLOLOL

"They're not doing anything."

"They're just sitting there, avoiding each other."

"I want to see! I want to see! What? They're not even doing anything!"

"Well, you can hardly expect them to just start going at it like rabbits, now can you? No, they're both too stubborn."

"So what do we do…?"

"We watch…and wait."

"I wanna be an auntie! Are they making babies yet? They aren't, are they!"

"Somebody give President Kusajishi something to eat."

"But I wanna be an auntie!"

"All in good time."

"Nanao-san, please stop this! What if Kagome-chan gets hurt?"

"And somebody, _please_, tie Hinamori-chan up and put her in a closet somewhere nearby. With any luck, the servants will think that it's the 'Kuchiki ghost' and stay away from this section of the mansion."

"No! I'll be quiet!"

"I'm afraid that President Kusajishi may have to play 'ghost' after all. Where's that sheet?"

"Yay! I'm gonna be a ghost!"

_**Owari**_

LOLOLOLOL

End of chapter six! Hooray! Poor Byakkun… T.T Reviews are eagerly gobbled and processed lovingly by my personal review monster! It's always hungry!

Until next time, ja ne! ^.^


End file.
